In a Mood

Occasionally, I get in a funky mood and I really have no answer to any of the feelings that are running around through me. Tonight is one of those nights. I hold out hope for a future and sometimes believe that I can see that future, but then, sometimes it's so clouded that I don't understand how I can see anything at all.

I live in a desert. I've mentioned the desert many times to many different people, but I'm starting to see that it's a place to grow. In the book "Dune", one character says, God made Arrakis to train the faithful. "Arrakis" is a desert planet. Very little lives on it and the way of life for the people of the planet is a scratched out exhistance among desert cliffs and a few sinks that keep away the sweltering heat.

The desert, in this book, is always a place of learning, of growing. The desert? I seem to see a lot of desert lately. There are many places in the bible that mention the desert. Sometimes it is a group of people wandering (Israel, Abraham), sometimes you have someone headed out for 40 days, which seems to be significant. All in all, the desert is a place of learning, but I don't want to learn, I want to live and to experience.

Now here I am. I want to be so much further ahead than where God has me right now, but I must wait. It's why I'm in this mood tonight, I believe. There are a hundred scenarios that are going to make me thrilled to be me, but there are just as many that are hammering on me that I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with them. But there is nothing that I can do. I must trust that God is going to take care of me, no matter how much pain I seem to go through at the time.