No title is good enough

Early in 2010 I felt that I was supposed to go somewhere. I never imagined that a year later I would be boarding a plane for Asia, but that trip is not what I hope this is about. There is hope for something new in my life at every moment, at every decision, at every thing that God has for me. I try to walk the path he has sent out in front of me but continue to stumble.

I was given an option tonight, pick what I want or do what others tell me to do. I thought about this for a while and tried to remember some decisions that I've made for me over the last few months. Since my decision to follow God's prompting to Cambodia my decisions have been less and less based on what I want to do and more on what God is asking... telling me to do. I'm trying hard. I'm failing hard. Not because I lack the desire, but because I lack the fortitude to press onward in my faith.

The devil still has his strongholds in me and I'm fighting tooth and nail to rid myself of them, but I'm weak. However, I have a strong God. He's been way more faithful to me than I've ever been to him. He's kept me through some pretty nasty times in my life and helped me out of some pretty tight jams.

I'm losing my train of thought tonight for a few reasons. One, I'm a few beers in, and the mind is slipping away. Two, I'm trying to write things that I think people will enjoy reading. This is actually my second post tonight, the first one was deleted in it's beginning stages because I didn't think that it was anything people would desire to read. It's just more of me worrying about the world and less about God. The best I can say is that I'm becoming aware of what I'm struggling with, so now, I hope that I can move past them.

God gives me gifts all the time. He shows me the best things for me and it's up to me to decide whether or not I'm going to accept them. I want everything that he has for me, but I'm not sure how to let him give me these things. The best I can say is that I try. I will always try, and I hope one day I will actually do the things that make God say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant".