The world we live in

It's folly to believe that there is nothing wrong. I bet everyone will agree to that statement. Anyone who disagrees if either deceiving themselves or a blabbering idiot. I don't pretend that I've got it figured out, far from it. I look for my passion for Christ in inspirational songs, in movies, in other people, but I never look where you're supposed to find it, the bible.

I wrote once about anguish, and here 2 years later, not a lot has changed in my life. I make little effort. I'm more like the world that runs the number of views of a Justin Bieber video to twice the population of the US and a sermon that lasts 7 minutes about anguish can barely scrape together 600K. Even just bobbing around in the ebb and flow of the world I barely register what Christ is doing. Once in a while I look at him to check and see where he is. It's like going on a hike with someone that can't quite keep up. You wander off ahead and when you want a break, or need a break, you cover your needs with excuses to look for the person that is behind you, or wait for them to catch up. What we fail to see with God is that he's the one that is waiting on us. He has gone on ahead of us and is waiting for us to quick dilly-dallying around and start keeping up. Not with him, we could never do that, but with his plan. Even the faithful, the most well meaning of us, don't keep up. Sure they stay close, but the concerns of this Earth overwhelm them too often to truly walk after God the way we should.

I sit here writing at 3 in the morning and can't bring myself to go back to bed. I want to sleep, but I feel more concerned with connecting to God, but I'm not sure how to do that. I try to talk, don't know what to say, try to listen, can't hear, try to walk after him, but I find that I don't know the way. So I sit down on the path and I do nothing, I remain silent, and I stop listening.

But I'm not alone. The community of my home churh (I live at a Young Life camp currently) fails in bring in people that walk in off the street looking for something. Maybe they don't know what it is themselves, but they walked in to find "it" and no one in the church can even say hello, good morning, there He is, and hand them a bible. God is there, among the "believers" and we can't point the lost to him becuase in most cases, we don't know what we are looking for ourselves.

I live among believers. Supposedly everyone knows God, and yet I see the same things happening here that I see in churches everwhere I go. Complacency. Few here live in true fellowship. It took me several days of living on property to know anyone even outside the collection of buildings that I live in. Still after two months, I can say hello and know names, but I don't know the people that I live with. I don't sit down over coffee or a beer, or even a bible and get to know them. Share ourselves, share God; it's lost on even a community of believers.

This makes me sick. Not because I'm disgusted by what I see in other people, because I'm disgusted that I even see it in myself. A good friend of mine told me that she was impressed that I could approach people and just talk. That I had a desire to get to know them. She expressed her own wish to have that kind of boldness and still I don't even see it in myself. Despite her observations, despite how I feel about people. I need to be in fellowship with them. I'm not always comfortable around them, but I should be. It's a gift that God has given to us.