There are things in your life that you just don't want to do. Some of things you can't admit to, and even struggle with yourself to find another reality because the truth of it is just too much to bear. I've struggled with one of these lies for far too long and have recently decided that enough is enough. I'm not a convincing liar. I never really was, so the fact the I deluded myself for so long just proves to me that I might be more than a little crazy.
I've put words to it. I've admitted that I have a weakness and now am taking steps to rid myself of this issue. If you're only reading at this point to know what the issue is, I'm sorry, but I won't reveal it at this time. Maybe down the road when it isn't such a fresh wound will I take off the bandage and show people the scar of what has held me captive for so long.
That last line above just flowed quite clearly because I know that I'm not doing this alone. When you fall on your face and realize that you aren't as strong as you once thought yourself, you are not at your weakest. If anything, this is one of the true strengths of the human spirit. Only when we are weak are we truly strong enough to go before the one that is here to set captives free.
He waits. He calls softly and waits. It is up to you to realize that Jesus is always by your side and never leaves or forsakes you. Leave your pride at the door, because once you go to him, you will be broken.
I was spanked as a child... some people reading this are probably saying to themselves that this explains a lot, well it does. My dad never spanked my in his anger. I've been told again and again that I carry the same anger that he does and I have struggled at times to keep it in check. I have flown off the handle to a point that I've scared people that have known me for years, worse... I've scared myself. I've looked at someone in a blood rage and just wanted them to cower before me in the pain that I wanted to inflict upon them.
This same rage comes from somewhere... I guess from my dad. I've never seen him like this. So I know that if it had come out when I was being punished, he would easily have knocked me through a wall. Instead, he punished mostly to get our attention. In such a loving way, our Savior, Jesus, punishes us. He allows us to inflict it on ourselves, which is the worst punishment I can imagine. I'm always the worst to myself. You can't bring your ire against me the way that I can bring it against me.
I'm sheltered. I'm afraid. I'm not alone. I have the best support system in the universe. Ask me about his sometime. He might just surprise you at how well he already knows you and how much he already loves you.
