Warfare

The text of this blog is even a mystery to me. I have a friend that asked me for my notes from a church service this past Sunday and instead of just haphazard notes that aren't going to make sense to anyone, I've decided to insert my opinion and expound on them as best I can. There will also be several ideas that come from other sermons that I have heard recently on warfare.

Love and War, these are two principles that I struggle with when it comes to my spiritual walk. I will talk about love another time, I'm focusing today on warfare or the spiritual variety. The Pastor this past Sunday started off with a comment about people convincing themselves that God doesn't love them or isn't real or... something to that effect. It made me curious to see where he was going with the sermon because he spent several minutes telling the congregation that what he was speaking was going to be Truth to him and I could argue if I so choose, but it was as God had spoken to him for the meaning.

I was a little worried, not sure what kind of church I was in, I was visiting some people after all. I wondered the man's opinion on spritual warfare. I've heard a little bit about it and have even been taught how a little bit. I know I don't battle enough and struggle through some things that I really shouldn't. I was under the impression he was ignoring the greater battle that was going on all around us. We are beings that exist on two planes and therefore must protect ourselves on two planes. The seen world, the one we live in, it's easy to protect yourself from the dangers. A speeding car, violent gangs, drugs, Grandma's meatloaf, things are pretty well visible that you should avoid.

The other side of our existance is fought on another plane. We can protect ourselves from the evils of this spiritual world because we are bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ. I've heard it likened to a Police officer pulling you over. You don't stop for the man that is pulling you over, but for the authority that he carries in the badge on his chest. A few calls can get any number of authorities in pursuit of you. In the same sense, all of us walk around with a blood colored badge that protects us from powers and principalities that are trying to destroy us. Stand before a tide of demons and they will laugh and mock you, but pull out that badge and they are then in the presence of THE Divine. They cannot stand against the creator, even they must steer clear of his wrath.

Spiritual Warfare is essentially walking around holding up your badge so the darkness does not overwhelm you. Whether we believe it or not, God is at war with the Devil. Once you signed on and said "yes, I'm going to follow Jesus", you enlisted in this war. You have the best defense there is, you have God on your side. There is nothing greater, nothing stronger, nothing that can stand against his awesome power. It's a continuing process though. You don't just get to hold up your badge once and say, stand back Satan!! He lies, cheats, steals, and he knows you. He finds the cracks in your armor and he strikes hard. We must continue to actively battle. You don't just get to stop after winning one skirmish. Satan is out to bring you down and he doesn't fight fair.

If you are reading this still, at some point in our lives, our path's have crossed and I mean enough to you that you will read something that I write. Nehemiah 4:14 says "Don't be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your homes." I don't have a family, but I know that doesn't excuse me from the fight. I pray for my brothers and after that, I likely pray for you, specifically by name. I fight for you the way I would for my own family. Don't sit back and let yourself be a casual Christian, fight!! A phalanx works best when all are fighting side by side.

Scenic Viewpoints

Driving north out of Antelope, Oregon, there is very little to see but rolling hills and a few ghost towns. You might see some cattle here and there, maybe a deer. Today while driving, I pulled my car to a stop next to a doe that just started at me for a minute until I drove off. It's a grassland. There is even a town named "Grass Valley" on the drive. The hills are unbroken stretches of mound in all directions and with the exception of a few places that are heavy to the lavender, are brownish green. Grasses that haven't quite been informed that it is summer and they need to turn to the washed out shades that many come to expect from summer in Central Oregon.

Along the Columbia Gorge, it's a different story. There are still the rolling grassy hills, but there are also very lush evergreen forests standing along the river in many places. Some so thick that you can't see the river from just a few hundred feet away. Climbing up out of the gorge on the Washington side, I noticed a few places that were scenic viewpoints. Not really thinking anything of it, I drove on. The view is going to be the same from the car as it is from outside the car, you can just look for longer when you're stopped.

I made my way North this weekend to Seattle and travelled over Snoqualmie pass. Along that pass there are not a few places to pull off and look at mountains and rivers and lakes. Things that I would truly be more interested in. The views weren't obstructed by the ever present gloom of a cloudy day, so I enjoyed some of these views myself.

Travelling back I took no notice of the mountains, I was in a zone. I wanted to get home. After 4 hours in the car, I got to the gorge and while driving down into the valley, I noticed these viewpoints again. Looking out over the edge of the cliff, I also noticed the rolling hills that they were looking at. Every one of them is dotted with windmills. Electic gathering windmills, not a single one of them was even spinning. There was plenty of wind, I had to fight my car along the road for much of the drive in, but viewpoints? What is the point? So you can see all these beautiful windmills that aren't even operating. At least from the freeway along the gorge, you can't hardly see the damns, and you definately can't see them for miles in every direction.

It has come to my attention that ODOT and my opinion of "scenic" are very different. I might pull off to look at things here and their, but I'll be very careful to make sure that it's something that I'm going to want to see.

Awesome and Legendary

Like many of my blogs I got an idea and had no idea how to title it, then just a flashing moment I see something that reminds me or something and then of someone and then the title lands on the page. That's a lot of words to say absolutely nothing at all. I could have just said what I'm going to write about and then write, but it's just more fun this way.

Roads are windy and no matter where you are going, how far you have gone, or what route you take, there are always signs; miles to destination, railroad crossing, mile posts, etc. For winding roads called life, you really can only call your friends those posts. They come along at the right time to tell you where you are and where to go and in all other ways, keep you on the right path. I'm going to tell you about a couple of them. They aren't separately awesome and legendary, one of them once referred jokingly to himself as that, but they are both these things in their own way.

City League softball is one of my favorite things in the UNIVERSE. The world is just not big enough to encompass how much I enjoy playing that game. In the 4 or 5 years that I've played, I've moved from a right fielder to being short stop. Yes, this means that I have figured out how to field. I'm pretty fast, so even when I don't hit the ball well, often times I still can get on base. I love the game, I love to just compete and I love to make people go, "How the heck did he do that"? I played on a church team that gave me the chance to play next to one eccentric guy named Jeff Woodford. Jeff's dad was my high school math teacher that we affectionately called Woody. This tag mades it's way to Jeff as I got to know him a little bit.

Now Jeff played 3rd base. Once in a while we would both end up chasing a foul ball and I would have to call him off or someone would tell me to get the hell out of the way so he could make a play, but we spent a fair amount of time, on plays, in the same vicinity on the field. Joking and laughing, even a few times trying to make the other miss a routine ball. I don't know why I thought of this guy today, other than he made my life just a little bit better. He's truly a great friend and even though I currently live in the middle of no where, he doesn't live too far away. Sisters is a measly hour and a half away.

Friends are never cut from the same mold and one that I don't think was even cut from the same mountain is Daniel Lanning. Now Dan is the guy who is "Awesome and Legendary". Why? Because I said so, that's why!!! And don't you forget it. A few years ago Dan and I got reconnected after not seeing each other for about 8 years. He and I went to high school together, played football together, even had some classes, though he was the year ahead in school. We weren't great friends, but Dan being Dan, we were friends. He's very outgoing, was always headed in the ministry, so he was a walking talking relationship from the moment I met him.

Now, about a year ago, Dan was giving a message, and like all good Christians, I can't remember what it was about, but I do remember after he was introduced he said something to the effect that he hoped some day he would be introduced as "Awesome and Legendary". That sounds like a very arrogant statement to make, but Dan... well, Dan had a way with the expression that made it sound like a very humble offering. He hopes some day that he is mentioned in this fashion, but he wants it to be for the right reasons. It was a truly selfish statement said in a humble fashion that made it totally appropriate. For now and all time, to me, Dan is Awesome and Legendary.

I placed the tag line on this blog because like all my friends, these two are both, awesome and legendary. They are for very different reasons, but they have enriched my life and made it more abundant. They have shown me in their own ways how to be a great friend and forever will I appreciate their contribution to my life.

Camp Adventures

There are a lot of perks to living at a summer camp. You can do things that you won't normally do in every day society. If you want to have a smore every night, go for it, there is almost always a family having a fire in back yard pits or even chiminea.

Washington Family Ranch, as it's called nowadays, has gone by many other names and has evolved since people first started living here. What was once a ranch, became a cult cloister, is now a Young Life camp. A Young Life camp with a water park. Yes, it's true, I live near a water park, and not just a water park, if I am over there when the park is running, it's FREE.

Last week was sort of a test week for many of the things that happen at camp. The Creekside Activity center was running and there is a full ropes course, indoors, and a basketball court, mini-golf, some other things that are fun to play on, but the new toy that most of us staff were excited to get a turn on was the Go-Kart track. There are 11 carts, one carries two people, and we got a few nights to run these machines to break in tires, the track, and the crew that is going to be running them during the summer.

The Mark 2 guys all got a turn on the carts and I took one of the less coordinated out on the two seater so he could "go fast" as Ricky Bobby would say. He sat in the car and I strapped him in. I crawled around over him trying to get the buckle all done correctly and finally had him strapped down so he wouldn't fall out. Not that I really think you could. I sat next to him and realized there was going to be very little room for my legs once both of us were in. The car is designed for one big person and one little person. Not a Job Coach and one of the Mark 2 guys. It was crowded. I managed to get him situated that he would be out of the way of the gas pedal and I would be able to steer without bumping him. We drove, we bumbed, he yelled, we passed some cars, and The Todd cut us off. It was a great time and he is still talking about it.

Something about living in the desert that you forget about is the wildlife. There are all kinds of birds, a few frogs here and there, I caught on in the pond actually, and reptiles. I have seen more kinds of snakes the past week that I reallky wanted to. I was out for a run on my day off, there is a barn about a half mile from my house and as I was passing it, I wasn't really watching where I was going and I almost stepped on a stick. I nearly fell in the effort to not step directly on it, and as my foot connected with ground, the "stick" coiled itself up, hissed at me, and began to shake it's rattle. Were I more jumpy, I might have wet myself, screamed like a little girl and sprinted off down the road, as it is, I wasn't bit and kept on with my run.

My house is at the end of the Mark 2 property. There isn't much of a porch and I have a gravel path in front of the house. The day after my near collision with the rattler, there was about a 3 foot bull snake sunning in the gravel by my porch. They are not poisonous, but after seeing a snake that could kill me the day before I was taking no chances. I first pissed it off by breaking a shovel... yes, breaking a shovel over it's head. He slithered toward my front door and tried to squirm into one of my boots. Armed with a broken shove, and full shovel, and a plastic chair, I proceeded to corner him and then chop his head off. He bled on my deck, and I didn't want to move the thing because even headless, it was still squirming. I threw it in what counts as my yard, which is really just a bunch of weeds growing in the mud. It stayed there for about 4 days before it started smelling bad enough for me to move it to the brush across the street.

Some of the work that I do takes me into the kitchen on Canyon side of the camp. The kitchen is known as the Iron Kettle or IK for short. Wednesday this week when we went in to help put away the food order, the truck from FSA had just arrived and the order wasn't checked in. I pulled the guys aside to get them out of the way when Robby pointed to the far wall and said, "look a bird". I thought that he was joking until I saw it fly across the back wall. I was a little suprised, but it is a large kitchen and it shouldn't really suprise you to find a wild animal in there from time to time. I found a milk crate and standing on my tip toes, reachind up to the window, I caught that bird with my bare hand. Yes, my bare hand. I took the bird to the door and let it go, but I felt really awesome because about a dozen people saw me do this.

So far, living in camp has been pretty awesome. Every day brings some new adventure, whether it's tracking down a cricket under a pile of mops or catching a mouse that has got into my bathroom and is hiding behind the toilet, there is always something crazy happening. Even better for all the crazy stuff happening to me, there are hundreds of other people that live here that are also having experiences. No shortage to the stories, and therefore, no shortage of life happening.

The day at a glance.

I'm beginning to feel at home again. I don't know if it's the comfort that I feel around people or just the new acceptance that I have for myself. I don't have an awful feeling like I'm supposed to be somewhere else. For the past several years, no matter where I ended up, I felt like I was in the wrong place.

I just had a pretty good capper on a gnarly day. I will get to that, but you need to hear the kind of day that it was, and the suprise feeling that I had at every turn.

Starting at 630, which is obsurd because you don't need an hour and a half to get the guys out the door in the morning, I wandered over to the guys condo and got set up to make breakfast. The "mud room" is the laundry room off the back of the house, and the guys condo is really the only one that the name of the room is not derived from the function. It is actually a laundry room. The doors are locked to keep the guys out of the medicines and other dangerous things, like cleaners and worse chemicals, that we keep stored in there. The menu is also in there. This morning was supposed to be biscuits and gravy, but I managed to cook the last biscuits a few days ago and there was no gravy in sight. I opted to make sausage and scrambled eggs, two things that the guys will always eat.

It was a pretty easy morning. I wasn't too stressed out by the amount of work that we had to do and we managed to be helpful and not too obstructive to the daily routines for the kitchens. Wednesday is the food order for both sides of camp and the guys help put these away. There are 100's of pieces to the orders right now because the camps are coming in this weekend and the kitchens need to be well stocked and ready to go. We finished off the morning and had a good lunch, then started the afternoon with some quick help around the Mark 2 area of camp.

After we left home, things would into a mess. We were slated to work on the club room, getting the carpets all cleaned and shampoo'ed before camp this weekend but one thing after another just seemed to go wrong. First it was the actual equipment that we had in use. One of the vacuums didn't even work properly. It would turn on and make all the usual noise, but the brush didn't spin at all and it was like pushing an angry rolling pin over the floor. I didn't catch the mess up until after one of the guys had "vacuumed" for about an hour. I couldn't help but laugh but I was starting to get mad at a few of the other things going on.

Two of the guys I had set on scraping up gum from ther floor. This wouldn't seem like too difficult of a job, except that I don't think either one of them knew what gum looks like when it gets trampled into carpet. They walked all over the club room and then told me they were done. Within sight of where I was standing (mind that it was on one of the top steps) I could see over a dozen spots of gum. I pointed some of them out to these two and they said they couldn't get them to come up. I took the tool and within a few seconds had two of the spots out of the carpet. They were set back to work.

The housekeeping staff has two of the most... well, they have more than two, but today they only had two fo the most wonderful inventions ever that we went ahead and borrowed, without asking. They have pack vacs. These lovely things instantly transform the casual Mark 2 employee into a Ghostbuster. It's a large tank, with a hose, that makes noise and pulls dirt form the ground... but only if you put the hose to the ground. My guy today was walking around with the hose about a foot from the ground and expecting me not to notice that he was not doing a very good job on the floors. I was getting close to my wits end, but this wasn't the end of my ordeal today.

The last was the sole reason that we were in the Round-Up today. They needed the carpets clean. There is a hunk of machine called Whitacker that is basically two spinning brushes and a sprayer that introduces chemicals to the carpet to have the rubbed in to pick up all the dirt that is in said carpet. This machine seems like it might be fun to operate, but I never really got the chance to. I couldn't get the sprayer to work. I called one guy to check with him about coming to fix it, he was in a meeting. I chatted with guest services to see who else to call, he directed me to housekeeping. The head of housekeeping wasn't sure what the issue is, so finally the housekeepering assistant showed up to save the day. We might as well have been kicking the thing. I wasn't doing anything wrong and it just wasn't working. By the time I finally gave up on the beast, the guy that set me up to clean showed back up and there were then three of us at a complete loss. We gave up trying for the day and I put away all the equipment, broken and working, and with tears in our eyes, crawled back in the car to head home for the day.

I got all of about 20 minutes to myself before I had to go back to the guys house. I was frustrated from the complete lack of work that we got done in the afternoon and I wanted to unwind, but I have to do personal care for one of the guys every day after work. I helped him out as I always do, and then went home. I sat in my chair. And I sat... and sat... and finally there was nothing left to do, I started laughing. It was just an awful day, and I'm so glad that it happened. I wouldn't want to change any of it, because this is the kind of day that I am supposed to be having. I learned all kinds of stuff and managed to keep my temper in check and finished it out in a good mood.

The evening started off making pizza for the guys. They powerred through two large pizzas and when everything was cleaned up, I was off home again to wait for basketball to start. I spent a little while talking with Mark and Mandy... the boss and her husband, and then went off to shoot hoops. I had flashes of brilliance, then when I rememberred that I'm not very good, I started to play like that. I left the games early because I was meeting a buddy for just some conversation and maybe a few beverages. We sat and talked for a while, then he asked where I came from. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I started to share my testimony. I wasn't going to go into detail, but after a bit, I just felt like I was in a safe environment and he would appreciate hearing it. I shared for about 20 minutes and he listened. Some people get bored when they hear stories, but he was captivated and glad to hear what I was sharing. He helped to end a normal day in extrodinary fashion. Now here I sit about to go to bed myself, and I'm happy with how today turned out. Bad and good, it all makes sense to me at the end.

Journal June 12

This is my weekend. I've had Sunday and Monday off for quite a while now and today is the first day that I truly feel no pressure to do anything. At some point I hope that I get out for a run or better yet, a hike. I feel the urge to do neither of these things, unfortunately. Today I have distracted myself with the wonders of Arrakis, the mystery of Cyrodil, and the conflict of Middle Earth. I've read, played games and watched movies much of the day. Truly I would feel lazy except that it is nearly 1 in the afternoon and I've been up for over 6 hours.

I'm tired. The last week has been a strain on my body and my faith. I fear that I have over-extended my ability to work and endure. I try to remain awake late in order to catch every part of the day, but I'm continuing to get out of bed earlier and earlier. I don't know how to sleep peacefully because I got to bed with so much on my mind. Much of it gives me a good feeling, but some of it just adds to my weariness. I push through day after day, working with the guys and it seems that more things are piled upon me every day. I need a rest, but I don't know where to go to get it.

Sunday used to be my favorite day of the week. I'm a large fan of fellowship and it used to stand that the only day I could get this was on Sunday. I live now in a camp that the weariness of the world has infected many of the people who would normally be pursuing a God that gives shelter and rest. I try to surrender my every breath but find that I am unable.

My head is beginning to hurt and I am clenching my teeth which historically have been signs that I am under stress. I don't know what I can do to climb out from under the stressors of my life apart from giving up on a job that is important to do, friends that fulfill me, and a God that comforts me. I have just realized that the God that I find it so hard to trust and walk after gives me much of my strength to endure this life, day after day.

I don't give Him his due. I sit in my house and worry about the strangeness of my life and some strange things in my life. I ask him for help when it suits me but never ask him what I can do to help suit Him. I can't imagine the "honey-do" list that is given to God by the people in this world. He seeks the best for us and wishes us all the blessings that he has for us, but we forget the requests that we give to him. On top of that, how many other people are asking requests of God. I should be content to my life as it is and enjoy the fruits of this labor that I give to God. Even if I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it.

...

I have put my heart on hold.
It has been broken too many times
that I can't quite fit all the pieces back together.
The one's that wish to guard it seem only to know how to hurt you the worst.

I have spent my love on things that do not matter,
and with a broken heart try to give what love is left to things that do.
I do not despair for myself, but only for those who would have my love.

If wishes were wings, pigs would fly
and I could speed myself away
to places that my desires would not hurt
but would bless.

GI Joe and a Fly-over

This post is actually late in coming and I regret that I may have forgotten some of the key parts to it. I will do my best to remember everything from that week, as it was very exciting, but please forgive me if I don't.

Living on the ranch provides me with some very unique opportunities from time to time. Tonight I almost got to drive go-karts... yes almost. It started to rain and I didn't get a chance to. There is supposed to be a few more nights this week when we can drive, but who knows. Come on weather. This last weekend was the Wild Canyon Games and almost 1000 people came out to take part in events ranging from obstacle courses to triathalons. I bought a very cool fleece and some shoes that are, well, one of a kind.

A few weeks ago, the national guard decided that they wanted to use the camp for some training exercises. The camp owns a lot of land and much of the land is just empty. It doesn't take you long to hike out of camp and be able to see... nothing. Up behind my house there is a ridge that I can hike for 10 minutes and be able to see nothing but pasture land for miles around me. Some areas of the camp have abandoned buildings, and these were of special interest to the guard.

The first of three evening training missions took place at an abandoned warehouse about 6 miles from the main entrance of camp. The guys and I drove up and stood on a hill with about 30 other camp staff and their kids and waited... and waited... and finally. There was the beat of a rotating blade and into view flew a chinook helicopter. It flew less than 100 ft from the ground and up near the warehouses. It slowed to a hover and out of it dropped two repel lines that a squad of GI's dropped to the ground and proceeded to assault the buildings. There was live gun fire and two A-10's circling above. It was exciting, even though we couldn't really see anything, but all in all, who can really say they've watched a live military exercise.

The second night, you could see less, but the experience was closer. A squad of guys walked down the road on the other side of the "swamp" from where a group of us were standing. It's actually a creek, but there are all kinds of scums and other pond plants growing, so we call it the swamp. They swaggered in and did a mock assault on the old cafeteria. The pain bullet marks could still be seen two weeks later. I didn't watch this one because I didn't feel like climbing up the hill to get the better vantage point. Later in the night, however, I did watch a humvee drive around my house. It didn't do anything, but it was cool to see the vehicle all the same.

The last that we really saw anything happen wasn't even taking place near the camp. We were havning a Mark 2 fellowship night and roasting hot dogs and marshmallows on a fire. Just enjoying the company of each other when two chinook helicopters flew over our heads. I don't mean they were flying near. They flew directly over us. Some of us were excited, others scared, and Mark(my boss' hubby) got the smug look in his eye because it was his birthday and he got his own fly-over.

I've seen closer military craft and even been in them, but this made it just a little bit different. Some of the guys that we watched will be deployed into harms way and it made the experience very real that some of those guys might never come home alive. They volunteer to do what they do, and for a week, they let us be a part of it.