I opted out of the word "tis" because I don't want this to become a habit for me. This morning I learned that a very close friend of mine passed away. That is not the main point of my writing today, but I think I want to share some things about it.
I don't deal with death... well. I would leave off the end of that, but everyone has to live through the death of other people. You don't just get to sit down and say, "it ends right here for me". I used to be the one that made jokes, then I was the one that got angry, as I've gotten older, I've learned different ways to move past people that I care about that are moving on.
Sitting in my house after working around the guys today, I'm still the daily living coach for Mark 2 Ministries, I have observed how they cope with this loss. Some of them want to be alone, some want to be with people, and some make inappropriate comments that don't sit well. I began to strum on my guitar, I don't play well, but I do have a few songs that I've been trying to learn for a while now. One just happened to be "Silent Night". It's a classic Christmas song about the birth of Jesus.
Understanding washed over me and I realized that Christmas is the time that gives people hope to live on when the ones we love have gone before us. I know that death isn't the end and that I will get to be with my friend again. For the time being, it is still a painful loss, but there is hope in the one that came to set us free. To give us hope in his life, and the time of year is here and now that we celebrate his coming.
I suspect that I will break down and cry at some point today, but for now, I'm hanging on by a thread, distracting myself with the work that I have to do because I don't know what else to do. It reminded me of Paul in the story immediately following Jesus' death. Paul was the one who had ample reason to be ashamed of his actions the day of Jesus' death, he denied him. But he realized that he was still a follower and instead of walking away from Jesus, he walked back. By doing what? By doing what he knew how to do. He was a fisherman, so he went fishing, and Jesus appeared on the shore in the midst of his work. I'm going to carry out what I know to do and do that job that I can, and hopefully it will give Jesus a chance to show up on my shore.
