Identity

I sent an email the other day to a man that I met at church. It was a new church to me but for some reason I felt like the person who was welcoming him to the church. He was a front row Joe, which leads me to believe that he's heavily involved in the church, even sitting up front with his 7 year old son. I had confidence in my position because I was surrounded by my ministry and was who I am when I am at work with the guys. One question that I asked him was "What do you do?".

More than just asking him what he did for work, I was asking him what kinds of things he liked to do. Who he is, what Makes him, him? The question went down to the board and I was glad to see it there, making sense to me. It was a question that I was glad to ask and was genuinely interested in what the answers were. I was asking for his identity.

When I used to think of my identity, I didn't think much past my name and maybe where I lived. That's all that made up me. Asking the same question now, I get a sense of how much the question 'who are You' really means. Turning it around, I have begun to ask myself who am I.

I've been struggling to find the answer to this question because once I realize who I am, my behavior changes because I will act out my 'self-understood' identity. I steal this quote from Kris Vallotton. I wish to know who I am. What I stand for. I am so tired of having little to no idea of how I will respond to some situations and scared of how I have reacted at times to other situations that occur to me. My current job presents me with every kind of situation that you never imagined might be a problem.

I need to stop distracting myself with this world and start listening to hear the words that God is speaking to me. I need to hear the name that he calls me and accept who he sees me as. There isn't much that I won't do to keep from pursuing God. My pride needs to die so that I can feel God's presence. I wish my heart to break so that I can truly live the life that God has for me.